A young relative recently asked me what it is like to look back your life as you get older. I said that much of life when looking back is a blur. There are certain specific memories that come to mind, but the day to day is hard to remember. They thought this sad, and I couldn’t help but think I hadn’t explained it very well.
I think we would be overwhelmed if we remembered everything. In fact, there are some people in the world who can, and it isn’t always good. The older I get, the more I think about my childhood. Despite some tragedies in extended family, I had a great childhood. Even though I can’t remember too many specifics, I know the feeling I get when I think of it.
When I drive down the streets where I grew up, I can imagine myself at different ages—from the little girl who didn’t know what a friend was (there were no other children on our street), to the shy middle-schooler, to the teenage years, to my wedding day and beyond. When I think of myself at those ages, I remember some difficult times, but I have a definite sense of peace and joy overall. Life is good.
The next question asked was what it is like to be a parent. My first response was that it is the scariest thing to do in life because you know you might really screw up. I followed that with saying it is also the most rewarding experience when your babies turn out to be wonderful human beings. Just as my early life is a blur, the years I raised my kids are now blurred together too. I don’t know how they feel about it, but I can only hope that when my adult children drive down the streets where they grew up, they get a sense of peace and joy just like me.
I love the life I have, and as I grow old, the later years will most likely blur like the early ones, but the colors, sounds, and textures of life that form memories are beautiful things. The blur of life is a work of art.