This week is Holy Week for us Christians. During Lent, I focused on the end of Jesus’s life on Earth. This always makes me sad, but to me, Lent is about recognizing our sins and appreciating what He went through to save us from ourselves. I never want to think that He had to do what He did because of me, but I am no better than any other human. I can relate to some of the actions and inactions of the twelve apostles when things went badly.
First, Jesus told them that one of them would betray him, but they didn’t want to believe it. Judas knew he was the one, of course, but the others thought they would handle things better than they did. I try to be loyal to people, but I sometimes fail.
When Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, he asked the apostles to “watch and pray,” but they kept falling asleep because “their eyes were very heavy” (Mark 14:38, 40). I have felt not just heavy eyes, but an entire heavy body. I remember hearing my babies cry in the middle of the night, knowing that they were more important than anything in my life, but not being able to move at first. The disciples didn’t fully understand what was going to happen to Jesus even though He had told them, but I knew that if I didn’t get out of bed to take care of my babies, they could get hurt or sick.
When Jesus was arrested, whipped, mocked, and ultimately crucified, many of the disciples ran and hid. Peter denied knowing Him. Fear is a powerful thing. There have been times fear held me back from being with someone going through something horrible. When I was in my twenties, a friend/former coworker told me her cancer came back. I told her I was sorry. I didn’t know what else to say or do, so I didn’t do anything. I didn’t keep in touch with her. I didn’t check on her. I didn’t help her family. I went to her funeral feeling guilty for not being there for her while she was still alive. I can only imagine what the apostles felt during Jesus’s suffering and death. The fear, grief, and guilt must have been crippling.
The good news is that Jesus forgave the apostles. He knew that when He rose from the dead, they would understand why He allowed himself to be sacrificed. He knew He would send the Holy Spirit to them so that they could go forward to spread His word. He forgives us too. We all have access to the Holy Spirit. We all can step out of our comfort zones to help others through difficult times. We can stay awake to watch and pray. We can do better than we have in the past. We will never be perfect, but we can keep trying to improve. Have a blessed Holy Week and Easter.